My Dad

When I got home, I called my dad to talk about my nursing application. I looked up the application yesterday and I’ve been starting to get a game plan together! At first I was really nervous, but then I really starting getting excited. As I was talking to my dad today, the doubt started setting in again. My plan right now is to hopefully get accepted and start the program in the fall, then I can go on my mission at the beginning of next year. However, if I don’t get in then I’ll need to attend fall, apply again and do the first semester of the program during winter semester and go on my mission the following summer. The more I started thinking, the more worked up I got because I already have mission fever and I really want to go. I’m already waiting a year and I really don’t want to wait a year and a half. I started to get emotional as I conveyed this to my dad and he just told me that I had to trust in the Lord. He said that sometimes my plan isn’t always the Lord’s plan and that I just have to trust that things happen how and when they’re supposed to happen. He told me that serving a mission was a righteous desire and that I just had to make sure I was doing all the things that I know I’m supposed to be doing and everything will work out. He also told me that he had received a strong confirmation that a mission was right for me and that he had felt through the Spirit that I was supposed to serve one; he received this confirmation soon after the announcement was made when he was kind of freaking out about me serving a mission so soon. I have already received a confirmation for myself, but just the fact that my dad received one as well just made me feel so good. I’m trying to trust in the Lord, let go of my pride, and submit my will to His, but sometimes I just get so worked up. There are just some things in my life that I want really bad, like my mission and the opportunity to study nursing, but I don’t know…I really need to work hard to be on the Lord’s timetable.

    

Later this evening my dad sent me this text, “Hope I didn’t hurt your feelings today…I love you more than anything and have so much faith in you. You make me proud every day to be your dad. I know you will go far, achieve all your goals, and continue to be a blessing to all those who come to know you! You will be an amazing missionary, nurse, wife and mom. Love you my girl!” Well didn’t that one just start the waterworks again. I love my dad so much and am so grateful he is so supportive of me in everything that I want to do. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father put in this family and gave me the opportunity to learn from such wise parents. I only hope to be what my parents are to me for my own kids.

As I was studying my scriptures tonight in the New Testament I just felt peace after everything today. I know that my Savior and has endured all things for me. He knows exactly how I feel and has personally experienced every doubt and feeling of inadequacy that I’m currently experiencing. I came across some scriptures talking about peace from Christ and they really rang true for me! I know that He’s looking out for me and that He has a plan especially for me…I just have to trust Him and have a faith to figure out what it is, and have the faith to follow it. 

I LOVE Cadavers

This morning started early because I had my anatomy lab! As long as I spelled everything right, I got a 100 on my quiz! Ahhh, I love how much my Heavenly Father blesses my mind and helps me remember. 

We also started learning off of the cadavers today, which was really a cool experience. I’m grateful for the people who donate their bodies so that I can have the ability to learn. Dr. Tomco sent out an email last night that has this quote, and it helped me to realize that I am studying the anatomy of my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ; He designed these bodies and put everything together. There is so much detail and every little thing has a function and fits together…it’s incredible and I love anatomy! 

Elementary School Bliss

Today was exhausting…but so good :) It was my first day volunteering with TOPS at Wasatch Elementary. On our name tags we have to use either a Ms. or Mrs. title, so all of the kids call me Ms. Lexi…ahhh so cute! I wish everybody called me that. I’m working with Mrs. Porter in her first grade classroom, and I work with four kids in the class struggling with reading. 

First we go through their flash cards, then they read two books they’re supposed to be working on at home, then we read one book from the classroom. Mrs. Porter was telling me that the majority of the kids I was working with didn’t necessarily have reading problems, it was more that their parents just didn’t practice with them at home. 

This one little girl, Sydney, was so cute; she had her hair all curled cute, with a cute sweater and skinny jeans and boots. She told so many stories too and was honestly adorable. She started talking to me though and told me that her mom didn’t sign off on her home books, but that she reads them every night and her mom usually doesn’t read with her. She said that was probably why she would get some words wrong. It kind of got me fired up because her mom has time to curl her hair and pimp her out for school, but doesn’t have time to read with her? I don’t know, that’s just not going down in my house. I want kids to feel capable and confident in their abilities and know that I want them to learn and have fun learning. I could tell some of the kids I called back were a little self conscious, and I tried to praise them when they read well and really encourage them. I had the Spirit with me and it helped me to gain a zeal for my own education after seeing how excited these kids were to learn. I’m so excited for this ten-week program and I really think it will be an incredible experience. 

Decades Dance

Saturday night Morgan, Eliza, Emma, Tamsyn, Miquela and I all went to the Decades Dance that was held in the Wilkinson Center! We dressed up 80’s and I did almost everyone’s hair making it “Texas Big.” It was so much fun getting dressed up and we looked so cute! 

Through both the Sunday school lesson and the Relief Society lesson, I just heard some things today that I really needed to hear. Emma gave an incredible lesson in Sunday School about the Doctrine and Covenant’s teachings of repentance, forgiveness, and The Atonement. She had a kid in class read an excerpt from this book and it was a husband recounting an experience with his wife Janet. He talked about how proud he was of her in a year for being the Relief Society President, getting her master’s degree, taking care of the kids, and pretty much being a rock star. He then describes how one day the light just went out of her and she asked to be released from her calling and seemed as though she was giving up. After weeks of pestering her about what was wrong she finally opened up and “I can’t do it. I can’t do everything I’m supposed to do. I can’t get the kids ready for school, pack their lunches, read the scriptures, do my own homework, help the kids with their homework, serve my calling fully, pray, keep all of the commandments. I try not to yell at the kids, but then I lose my patience and I do. I’m not as kind and compassionate as Sister X or as spiritually minded and beautiful as Sister Y. I’ve just accepted that I can’t do it, and I’m not making it back to the celestial kingdom.” 

He talked about Janet still had a testimony and believed that Christ was a teacher, mentor, example, brother, etc, but she did not understand how Christ was a Savior. He talked about how she had lost sight of the true heart and meaning of the gospel. This story really hit me as I started to think about some of my own perfectionist ways of thinking and started to see some of the same patterns. This is something I want to work on because I don’t ever want to get that sideways in my thinking that I forget what the gospel really is and who the Savior really is to me. I know that His Atonement is real and that he loves more than I could ever imagine. I know that I can’t make it by myself and I’m understanding that I will make mistakes…that’s part of this life. However, with His help, I can do all these righteous things that I want to do, He will provide a way. 

In her Relief Society lesson, Miquela talked about education and how we are commanded to acquire all the knowledge that we can in this life. I started thinking about why I’m here at college and what the true meaning behind my studies is. I resolved to approach my classes not focused on grades but on the learning experience and trying to understand my Father in Heaven. Everything on this Earth testifies of Him and the more I study and truly seek to learn and understand, the closer I will grow to Him and be able to become more like Him.

This afternoon I got back into the habit of writing cheer notes for kids in my ward who participated in church or who I have been thinking of. I love doing this on Sundays because it helps me to really try to see the positive things about those around me.  

Y Serve

The highlight of my day was signing up through "Y Serve" on campus with the TOPS program. Starting January 22^nd, I will be volunteering with Wasatch Elementary in a first grade classroom tutoring the kids in reading for an hour on Tuesdays every week. I can even describe how excited I am to start working with these kids; I love the feeling of service, and I think it’ll be a great pick me up throughout the week. I also love working with kids, and I just really feel good about this and think that it will be a great opportunity.

            Tonight we also had a Mary Kay representative come over to the apartment and give us facials and makeovers. Within her first ten minutes of being here she talked about how she only went to college to meet a husband and how her plan was to drop out of school as soon as she got married because “there was no point” to furthering her education. 

As I start thinking about this, I honestly got so fired up. I don’t really have a lot of patience for women who don’t push themselves and challenge themselves to be the best they can be. An education is so important in today’s world and it’s pretty much necessary in order to get a job. For me personally, I want the highest education I can attain so that I can be a better mom to my kids and really help them in their education. I’m just not so sure that I support people who advertise so many beauty products and present them in a way that suggests all of these products are necessary for beauty. I just think that there is already so much pressure in the world for girls to be beautiful, and I don’t think all of this is helping. I believe that obsession with these things can really be a form of an idol. I don’t support it, not for one minute! 

Jenna's Going to Uruguay

This evening I went to Jenna Goode’s apartment to watch her open her mission call; she will be serving in the Uruguay Montevideo mission, Spanish speaking. Watching her open her call, the excitement that flooded her, as well as the emotion as she was filled with the Spirit were each a testimony to me of how much I want to serve a mission. I’m so incredibly proud of her and excited for her to serve the Lord. She is a huge example to me. My mission fever is just getting worse and worse! I want to serve a mission so badly and I absolutely cannot wait until it is my turn.

This afternoon I checked out a model of the skull, as well as some vertebrae, in order to study for my first anatomy lab quiz this Friday. As I spent a few hours studying tonight, I really began to memorize the terms and what each of the structures were called. I was reminded of a phrase in my patriarchal blessing that reads “Heavenly Father has blessed you richly with a keen mind and a sound body, preparing you for those things that you will encounter in life.” Now I’m sure my anatomy class isn’t the extent of this phrase, but it’s so true. I’m so grateful for a Heavenly Father who has blessed me with this keen mind to memorize easily and learn the things that are of value to Him as well as to myself.

In my scripture study tonight I came across a popular verse in Alma Chapter 37 that said “by small and simple things are great things brought to pass.” These past two weeks as I have been trying to be diligent in my scripture study and daily prayer, as well as serve as often as possible, I have noticed that I am so much more positive and able to handle my daily difficulties with a little more ease. When we do those things which are right, our Heavenly Father blesses us and helps us to realize His hand in our lives. 

Second Semester

Whew, so today was second day of school of my winter semester here at BYU-Provo! Today I went to my intro to bioorganic chemistry and anatomy classes; both of which I’m nervous for this semester. I was actually kind of freaking out about my anatomy class, but in class today I became excited. I almost teared up because as my professor said the opening prayer, he talked about our opportunity to learn about the human body and better understanding the Atonement of the Savior. Then he began talking about the class and the topics we would be discussing and my heart started pounding really hard and I felt the Spirit and just knew that this is what I love and this is what I want to study. I want to be nurse and to help people and to really understand our bodies, which are gifts from our Heavenly Father. I just think that if I stop panicking about memorization and grades and rather just focus on internalizing the material and look at it as learning something new that I’m interested in, my life will be a lot easier.

            Tamsyn and I attended the temple together, and it was crazy, there was literally no wait! I love being in the temple and feeling so close to my Father in Heaven especially as I face feelings of inadequacy this semester. I’ve just been worried about getting the A’s I need to get into the nursing program and some of the difficult classes that I’m taking. I just really appreciate time in the temple when these feelings of doubt are replaced by feelings of faith and confidence. It was definitely the pick me up I needed.

            President and Sister Samuelson’s devotional today inspired me and helped me to think about my life more in depth. They shared experiences from their life, mostly including pregnancies and their early, married life. Their main message was looking for the Lord’s hand in our every day lives. It has been my goal this year to be better about journaling, favorably every day, in order to better help me reflect on my blessings and the Lord’s hand in my life.